I have been encouraged to write an autobiography of my life since I can tell such good stories—and they’re true. But I have a problem; everything I do is done ad hoc. I can’t even remember any jokes I’ve heard except those that concern chickens and roads, or knocking on doors. I can make stuff on the spot, but there’s no way I can do it in a planned way. Below are quotes from PALINDROME: A LAMB AND LAVAGNINO MYSTERY (LAMB & LAVAGNINO), by E. Z. Rinsky that I collected and I wish I could come up with stuff myself. It should give you an idea of how my hyperbolic, but true stories sound.
“…only to chew thoughtfully, desperately, on the end of the pen, like it’s leaking some vitamin she’s deficient in.”
“…her voice firming up like tofu in the fryer.”
“…but in truth it’s really only notable for its complete lack of distinguishing characteristics.”
“I’ve never bought any of that feng shui bullshit, but if it’s possible to convey bad vibes through interior space, this house has nailed it.”
“Of course, maybe you wouldn’t be sure if you’re hallucinating or not. Sorta like asking if you’ve ever been crazy.”
“Feels like my body has become something external to me, simply a burden that I must drag along with my consciousness.”
“My nose is running from a healthy combination of cold, general malaise, ten days of substituting heavy drinking for sleep, and inhuman stress levels.”